Bore you to hell

All things tasty are also smelly.

Nothing which has at any point been declared unsanitary may at any point be re-declared as sanitary.

Smelly, unsanitary things which have potential to be tasty can still be eaten, though it is not recommended.

Your spouse lacks charisma. Fix that.

It's fast, easy and secure to get your free credit report online.

I have no desire to hear anything you want to talk about.

Kicking me in the crotch will not necessarily make me go away, though it may make me hungry.

Some people think swearing is a bad thing.

Those people are correct.

I frequently do 'bad things.'

I should probably wax my car or something, but I figure the caked on layers of bird poop'll protect the paint job.

Nocturnal people really get a HUGE advantage when it comes to night-time calling minutes on their mobile phones.

Have you seen that crazy show where that anime dude runs around and...does things I don't understand?

If you're wondering, I think very lowly of myself.

I think very highly of YOU.

Why are you still reading this?

Have you seen that "In & Out" movie with Kevin Klein? Oh, me neither. Someone ruined the ending for me and now I don't want to see it. Same thing happened to me with "The Usual Suspects" but I watched it anyway. Frankly, I felt cheap for watching it knowning...well you know. I don't wanna ruin it for anyone else.

So first it was "The Bourne Identity." Now it's "The Bourne Supremacy." Clever substitution of one word there.

I don't much like this format of posting. It's a bit disjointed and lacking in flow for my tastes.

I wished people dove more often in real life. That would make everyday things seem much less mundane. Instead of carefully sidestepping out of other people's ways, simply do a rolling dodge. Instant fun!

If you were wondering about Frank and the vampire-wolf-bat thing or whatever...they both died. It was very sad.

Bored Yet?

If not, let me tell you a tale.

A young boy by the name of Frank was meandering through the forest, a forest which found itself slightly south and slightly east of the city of Garabak, a town known for its rich selection of exotic animal pelts, a fact which angered PETA, the radical vegan group whose title stands for "People for the Ethical Treament of Animals."

As legend tells, a member of the PETA group was lost in the forest one day, while trying to throw whipped-soy-milk-pies at fur hunters, when suddenly he turned into a vampire-wolf, a kind of bizzare creature that hates sunlight but loves blood and full moons, especially in concert.

As the legend further states, the vampire-wolf was rejected by both its vampire and werewolf kindred for being too different. As such the vampire-wolf wandered eerily through the forest, sucking the blood of the same animals it had once sought to prevent from being turned into pelts. Every month or so, the vampire-wolf (in werevampire form) would skin itself and take its own pelt plus any animal pelts it had collected over the month to the town peltsman.

This, while providing a stable source of income for the vampire-wolf, greatly angered the local fur trappers union, as there was little need for their services with the vampire-wolf filling their roles. They decided to send a young boy by the name of Frank into the forest to see if he could maybe persuade the vampire-wolf to be capitalistic about things and leave something for the fur-trappers. And so we return to the beginning of the story.

Frank, in all his earlier meanderings through the forest had never once seen the vampire-wolf of legend. He was fairly convinced that the legend was a lie and the fur-trappers union were psychotic and had merely forgotten that the local peltsman trapped his own furs using cage-traps, thus having no need for the fur-trappers. Even so, Frank was worried. He imagined getting one's blood sucked by a vampire was a fairly painful ordeal, but not nearly as painful as having one's blood sucked by a gigantic werewolf. I mean, vampire teeth are pretty small, but when peopel turn into werewolves, everything on their bodies increases in size, so it'd probably be like getting a decent sized garden-hose stuck in one's neck, compared to a rather pointy human-sized tooth.

Frank pondered more about the implications of turning into a bat while the vampire-wolf was in werewolf form. If the werewolf form could simply turn into a bat with no problem, then the entire werewolf phase of the curse could basically be skipped in favor of existence as a bat. However, perhaps the bat would become a were-bat-wolf which could theoretically be even less desirable than a werewolf.

As Frank drifted deeper into his own thoughts about vampire-wolf dating and dress styles among vampire-wolves he accidentally shifted from a gentle meandering to a significantly less gentle gallavant through the forest.

Bored now?