Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Bored Yet?

If not, let me tell you a tale.

A young boy by the name of Frank was meandering through the forest, a forest which found itself slightly south and slightly east of the city of Garabak, a town known for its rich selection of exotic animal pelts, a fact which angered PETA, the radical vegan group whose title stands for "People for the Ethical Treament of Animals."

As legend tells, a member of the PETA group was lost in the forest one day, while trying to throw whipped-soy-milk-pies at fur hunters, when suddenly he turned into a vampire-wolf, a kind of bizzare creature that hates sunlight but loves blood and full moons, especially in concert.

As the legend further states, the vampire-wolf was rejected by both its vampire and werewolf kindred for being too different. As such the vampire-wolf wandered eerily through the forest, sucking the blood of the same animals it had once sought to prevent from being turned into pelts. Every month or so, the vampire-wolf (in werevampire form) would skin itself and take its own pelt plus any animal pelts it had collected over the month to the town peltsman.

This, while providing a stable source of income for the vampire-wolf, greatly angered the local fur trappers union, as there was little need for their services with the vampire-wolf filling their roles. They decided to send a young boy by the name of Frank into the forest to see if he could maybe persuade the vampire-wolf to be capitalistic about things and leave something for the fur-trappers. And so we return to the beginning of the story.

Frank, in all his earlier meanderings through the forest had never once seen the vampire-wolf of legend. He was fairly convinced that the legend was a lie and the fur-trappers union were psychotic and had merely forgotten that the local peltsman trapped his own furs using cage-traps, thus having no need for the fur-trappers. Even so, Frank was worried. He imagined getting one's blood sucked by a vampire was a fairly painful ordeal, but not nearly as painful as having one's blood sucked by a gigantic werewolf. I mean, vampire teeth are pretty small, but when peopel turn into werewolves, everything on their bodies increases in size, so it'd probably be like getting a decent sized garden-hose stuck in one's neck, compared to a rather pointy human-sized tooth.

Frank pondered more about the implications of turning into a bat while the vampire-wolf was in werewolf form. If the werewolf form could simply turn into a bat with no problem, then the entire werewolf phase of the curse could basically be skipped in favor of existence as a bat. However, perhaps the bat would become a were-bat-wolf which could theoretically be even less desirable than a werewolf.

As Frank drifted deeper into his own thoughts about vampire-wolf dating and dress styles among vampire-wolves he accidentally shifted from a gentle meandering to a significantly less gentle gallavant through the forest.

Bored now?

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