Wherein complaints are made and fatigue is discussed

Honestly, if someone offered to move my flight to right now, I would take it. Rome is utterly fantastic in every way shape and form, and my very presence here ignites a fiery passion and reverence in me only rarely felt before. That said, I just had the most gorgeous day here, and saw Rome from 3 different overlooking hills, and I ain't gonna top that. Won't even try.

Also I am very tired. And my feet hurt.

And now, the part where I distill a month of traveling into one, poignant sentence, which at once captures the very essence of differences that entice us and the similarities that welcome us across this great union of Europe, as well as expounds upon my newfound cultural understanding of these four great nations:

People talk funny over here.

Rome Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

I saw some stuff. It was all fantastically amazing. Not in a mood to try and remember it all at the moment though.

Seeing the Roman ruins over on Palatine hill reminded me of how great Shadow of the Colossus was. It's true, that game totally nailed the look and the feel of gallivanting inside ancient ruins.

Hmm, there's an idea. Just pretend like I took these pictures (which I've lifted from Shadow), cause basically, this is what it looks like there:


The view from Palatine hill. If you squint you can see St. Peter's Basilica in the far distance. On the other side of the hill, you can see the Colosseum.


There's something amazing about standing on something that an ancient civilization used to, well stand on. Also, the column ruins give you pause when you start to think that they once held up some kind of magnificent roof, but now they stand purposeless.


Ok, I know this looks bad, but trust me, this guy is totally harmless. The park workers tell me that he's more afraid of us than we are of him. Note also the brilliant stonework of the ancient Roman builders, making use of Rome's abundant black volcanic rock. This is in contrast to Paris, which made use of it's white, sedimentary rock located under the city.

Monday. It's so close now.

Rome Days 1-2

As you might've figured, I can't upload pictures from this computer, so I have no motivation to post. It is sad because I cannot finish Paris or Berlin, and I can't show you any of the awesomeness from Rome. I even took some pictures with the intent of using specific captions, and now, all is for naught.

So instead, I'll just post the captions I thought of without pictures!

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Shit, yo. I'm Jesus. I'm the real deal! Ain't no frontin' here.

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Pope Pius VIII unfortunately looked away just as the sculptor was about to make this statue's pupils.

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Talk about a nasty splinter!

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Ahh the beautiful Spanish Steps, or as the Italians call them, something with nothing to do with Spain. I find the structure in the upper left to be by far the most beautiful architecture I have seen on my trip. Follow the lines slightly down and to the right for a surprise.

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Pope Benedict II is either trying to perform a Vulcan greeting or repping the West Side.

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Early Etruscan art very closely mimics ancient Greek art. Note especially the bronzed pita in the lower left.

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Most of the paintings in the Vatican Museum are quite similar to one another, by far the most popular being the baby Jesus sitting upon Mary's lap, his hand held in the teaching position. That makes this painting all the stranger, with Mary having turned the tables by sitting upon the baby Jesus.

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Many ages ago, this grassy stone pit would have been filled with naked Romans cavorting about during a bath. I think I prefer it this way.

Also it was pretty incredible to learn during the course of one meal:
-I've been eating salad at the wrong time
-Romans don't eat garlic too much
-Salad dressing is olive oil and white vinegar maybe with some salt (for the avant garde only)
-Balsamic vinegar is not for salads
-Pan pizzas and Hawaiian pizzas strike Romans like being slapped in the face
-The show "with the genius who is also stupid and wears glasses and suspenders from the united states, but also next door there is the father policeman" has unfortunately made it out of the States

Rome

I got into Rome yesterday, but it's been raining too hard since then to do/see much outside. Barely managed to get out to buy a sandwich today, twas raining so hard.

People here really hate making change.

Really, I'm totally lost without the pictures to guide my jabs.

Expect me to finish off Paris and Berlin shortly, I hate to have such a big backlog.

Berlin Days 4 and 5

On these days I visited the Jewish Museum and went to the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church. I did other things, but no photographic evidence exists, so let's pretend it never happened (actually I just went to the GDR museum and didn't like it too much).


Here in the Jewish museum, they have these mostly empty rooms called voids. This one above is the holocaust void, I believe. In any case, it's a really creepy concrete room with just one slit in it to allow outside light and sounds in.


The whole of the Jewish museum feels very 'new art' -ish. This was another void with the pictured art installation in it. It's really just a bunch of metal faces screaming, and you're supposed to walk all over them.


This man may be Humboldt, but thankfully the sculptor was named Ironique.


The Berlin Dome (with the radio tower in the background). This is a big noisy church that I did not go into. See prior posts for my irrational fear of being in churches. I still think it's a really cool building, at least from the outside. It is a common joke to refer to bald Berliners as "Berliner Domes." Oh man, everyone gets a laugh at that.


This is the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church, made to memorialize Kaiser Wilhelm I. Everything was peachy until the British kinda completely destroyed it during WWII, leaving only this front tower part. After the war they built a new church right next to the ruins, seen in the left side of the picture, that waffle-y looking thing. But they've kept the remains of the original church, as a memorial to the original church, I guess?

Paris Pics Part 3

These pics cover 2 days in Paris, unlike the prior posts which each cover 1 day. On these two days I went to Versailles, went to the Arc D'Triomphe, and hiked up Montmatre (yes I am just guessing at these spellings, and when possible, I will spell differently each time).


All the doors in Versailles look like this. When I build a palace (following the reinstatement of the French Monarchy and my abrupt ascention into it) I will make the doors black and silver. I will call it Bizzarro Versailles, and everyone will think I am so cool.


This is Luis XIV. He was looking directly at me until I asked if his named was pronounced 'Siv', 'Shiv', or Sciv'.


So this is the hall of mirrors, and that is me, clearly using the room to its full advantage. It's hard to tell it's me, but trust me, I'm at least 75% positive I successfully took a picture of myself.


The view of the Eiffel Tower from the Arc D'Triomphe. It's a sad fact that you can't photograph the monument you are currently standing on in any great splendor. Thus you must climb atop another monument to take a good picture of it. Trust me, it's a cycle that never ends.


I'm trying to come up with a pun about doors or something, but no luck as of yet. It'd be easier if he were in a masoleum with, you know, an actual door on it. Turns out Oscar Wilde is in this same cemetary, his trademark wit only slightly hampered by time. And death.


I have no idea how to spell this one, but it sounds like Sock Wrecker, so let's go with that. It's big and sufficiently churchy, plus it's at the very top of a kickass hill. I always feel weird going into churches as a tourist since most of them are still active churches, and this one was no exception. I always know when I've overstayed my welcome, once my face starts melting all Raiders of the Lost Ark style.

Berlin Day 3

Alright, time for more Berlin stuff. I think Day 3 was my favorite day so far. I walked all the way from Charlottenburg (my hostel) over to Mitte and Checkpoint Charlie. Right now, I wish I hadn't, but it was a great scenic walk while I was doing it.


If you think it would be weird and/or distasteful for the Germans to erect a large monument with a giant soldier on it after WWII, you'd be right. This is actually a Russian memorial to soldiers lost in the attack on Berlin and the entire inscription is in Cyrillic.


The Brandenburger Tor (Gate) is awesome. I think most of the videos people have seen of the tear down of the Berlin Wall are from this general perspective, since this is a pretty main city square. I think the wall would have stood in front of the gate pretty much in the middle of this intersection while it was standing.


There are no identifying signs anywhere near this installation other than "careful, slippery," but (I think) this is actually a memorial to murdered Jews. It's also completely irresistible for children to climb upon it and jump around. So it's multifunction like that. This takes up an entire square plot of land between four roads, and if my map is accurate, the wall actually once cut through that plot.


The coffee here was great, but avoid the nuts.


This may or may not be a remaining piece of the Berlin Wall, but dammit, I'm in Berlin and I'm going to photograph every tall concrete wall I see.


This bear means business. Do not mess with him. He blew apart the Berlin wall just by looking at it, just imagine what he'll do to your face.


Despite the reunification, Checkpoint Charlie is still pretty hard to pass through. It's mostly because some people STAND IN THE STREET GAWKING, instead of LOOKING FOR ONCOMING TRAFFIC. It looked like they had some guy dressed in US soldier clothes who would stamp pretend transit papers for tourists. Because everyone's favorite part of international travel is customs.


Ooh, the Reichstag, I should totally go there.


Errr, no thanks.

Paris Pics part 2

Horay for more Paris pictures, these are all from day 2, by complete coincidence.


This was in Saint Chappelle, which is a totally cool and not to gaudy chapel. This picture is titled 'The horrible barber.'


Covert pic of Notre Dame from behind a bush. I don't know why I was hiding, but I'm sure it made sense at the time.


So yeah, the Eiffel Tower sparkles like a mo-fo. It's gorgeous.

Berlin Day 2

Today I went on a short walk over to the Tiergarten and around but not in the Berlin Zoo. It's a little weird because you can see into the zoo from Tiergarten, so it feels like you're stealing free peeks.


Can't figure out if this is a vending machine which dispenses dogs or if it is made so dogs can use it. The text says something about not being an ass and to not let your dog shit all over the place (literal translation, of course).


The natural composition of most of Tiergarten puts it at stark contrast against Retiro Park (see Madrid day 1) and the Louvre Garden (see Paris pics part 1). Also this park has a homeless guy sleeping in it, just left of frame.


That said, there are still little statues and surprises seemingly randomly tucked away inside Tiergarten. The only way to find all of the statues hidden in here would be to walk up and down all the paths in Tiergarten.


Just left of center in Tiergarten, 2 major roads intersect at a traffic circle with this, the victory tower in the center. Pictured here is the first of what would turn out to be a small army of policemen speeding into the circle to stop traffic for a VIP motorcade.


I don't know what victory was being celebrated when they built the victory tower, but they must have been pretty happy at the time. Tried to go for an upskirt shot on the statue lady, but the angle just wasn't there. So basically I climbed the victory tower for nothing.

Paris Pics Part 1

Hopefully the first in a multi-part epic adventure of Paris pictures. So to kick it off:


This is where the mother T-1000 has chosen to lay her eggs, and wait for Robert Patrick to fertilize them.


Apparently this was in some very famous French movie whose name escapes me. Or maybe it was a Travelocity commercial. Either way, look at all that FRUIT!


This is a great view from the Louvre park (I think) all the way down to the Egyptian Obelisk. In the exact center of the photograph is a walking version of a spam email. That probably doesn't make any sense, but regardless, it's best to not talk to her.

Berlin Y'zall (Day 1)

Whoo, I made it to another city without getting lost. Woo!

Expect some Paris pics starting tomorrow, since I think I finally have good enough access over here.

Not doing much here on day one. Discovered the Berlin metro appears to be closed due to a strike ('the best way to get around Berlin' -Super useful guidemap). Then I ate a Kebab or a Kebap or what they are actually called, a Gyro. Turns out the literal German for 'that is all' is easily interpreted as 'I would like every topping placed on my kebab please, and then go find some stuff in the back to throw on there too.' Next time it's 'nichts' which should get the job done.

Peacing out.

Days 3,4,5,6

Generally, too much to do, not enough time to remember doing them, so while I have a moment, a recap:

Sat:
Nothing

Sun:
City day tour in the rain
Orsay Museum
Hill (Montmarre?) night tour also in the rain

Mon:
The Louvre
Walk to Eiffel Tower, top is closed due to wind, leave

Tues:
Versaille

Weds:
Go to Montparnasse, top is closed due to wind, leave
Go to wrong cemetary, leave
Go to correct cemetary, verify Jim Morrison is still dead.

Thurs:
D'Orangerie (Monet and other painters musuem)
Eiffel Tower, went all the way to the top this time.

Paris Days 1&2

Blog posts should be much less frequent from Paris due to the places we're trying to go and how busy the internet room is here.

I think it's all pretty pointless without pictures, but here's a quicko rundown.

It was raining a lot.
It was very windy.
Everything is beautiful.

That's about it. Chill y'all.

Day 4

Went to Museo de Prado (Spanish for "Building full of tourists") today, and unfortunately they don't allow cameras inside, or backpacks. So instead, a statistical analysis of the works of art inside.

Lactating nipples : 4 (two on the same one)
People shot through with arrows: 5
Dogs for no reason: 3
Baby eating: 1 (thank you Goya)
Paintings I recognized: 2
Amount of money I didn't pay for a guided tour: €50


An entrance to Museo del Prado. I say 'an' entrance because there is another entrance somewhere else, but do not understand where it is or how one goes about entering through it.


WTF is this thing? It's got a little footpad thing on the bottom and some kind of spigot up top. Are you supposed to lay your head down on the bottom part and pour water into your open mouth?


I just though it was funny that this building looks like it has a hat.

Tomorrow is a travel day. Yay, I guess?

Day 3

No pics today, my apologies. The camera is downstairs, and I sure as hell ain´t going to get it.

Here is a conversation I had today though-

Guy: English?
Me: Yes, English.
Guy: (Points at self) Espania.

So now I guess I have to pretend to be British in front of him.

Day 2

They claim this is Don Quixote, but to me it looks nothing like John Lithgow. Coincedentally, it was national stand around Don Quixote statue day.

Madrid is world renowned for it´s complete lack of wind at all times.

Another film by a crazy European director.

There´s a clock on this building, but everyone on the street already knew what time it was. Time to walk around quickly on the street and bump into the guy looking at the clock.

Day 1 Cont.

Still working on a coherent format for these. Will probably never have one.

This keyboard is messed up.

This metro sign helpfully informs metro riders that in 03 minutes the world will explode. Nobody seemed disappointed when the counter hit 0 and all that happened was a metro car arrived.

This picture isn't actually of Madrid. This is a calculator. I know, I was shocked too.

Day 2 pictures later today.

In Madrid

I am in Madrid.

Ha ha!
Here are some pictures.















Main residence of the King of All Cosmos. Also featuring lamp post.















Hedge mazes and flat topped trees, Spain´s 2 biggest exports.















This is actually just a cool lake thing.

In other news, the metro doors do not open until you press the door open button. Fun fact: this is not immediately obvious.

Laters.